Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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