I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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