I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
