remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
did you just send me my own nude
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
