i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
