what day is it and did you see me today?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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