I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
