I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
