i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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