At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
