i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
