just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
