girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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