2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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