White coat. Heels.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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