foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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