i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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