I wannas sexs uuuuu
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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