SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
