then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
