and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
be right there i have to get my cape
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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