His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
