Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
