Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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