I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
