I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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