just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
