Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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