just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
