you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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