So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
