forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
