Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
