shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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