Tell her she can't have a vagina
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
