...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
