i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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