booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
