im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
