I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
