Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
