Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
