she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
