I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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