she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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