When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
