I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your cock deserves a montage
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
