life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
operation harelip BJ is a go
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
