You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
