He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
