i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
