he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
