he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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