I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
