just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
