You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
