Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
