WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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