I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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